How I Became an Artist:
The Story of "Porch Trio."
Dear Fellow Art Lover,
Several years ago, for four years, I lived in torment and torture with voices yelling in my ears nonstop. They cursed at me, threatened me, and insulted me.
The voices were so bad that I struggled reading, writing and even praying.
My brain could only take so much abuse. I had became suicidal and was in and out of the hospital numerous times with numerous episodes.
And then came 2011. And I was hospitalized with yet again another episode.
I had come into the hospital psychotic, and delusional thinking that I was some sort of prophet whose job was to pray for everyone I saw in poetry.
But why did I feel this way? What was the reason for my delusions?
I couldn't understand the reason for my suffering and my faith was in shatters. I couldn't understand how a God who was good could allow so much suffering. I had been listening to voices, nearly nonstop for four years: Every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day. I was depressed. As I said, suicidal even. Until one day my delusional mind told itself a story to give itself some hope, sort of like a defense mechanism. I told myself that God was good and that my suffering was not in vain. God had a purpose for me. In fact, a big purpose for I was a prophet, the gift to the world that would end suffering. And I told myself that the only reason for the extent of my suffering was so that I could feel deep compassion for those who, I, the prophet, would remove the suffering from. To understand their pain. Thus, in my delusional mind I was like Christ. And as I entered the hospital I prayed for all that I saw out loud in poetry. Why poetry? (That's another story for another time).
After a few days with the medication in my system I became stabilized. The voices lessened but my depression returned. I was still schizophrenic. I was still going to hear voices for the rest of my life and although God loved me, He didn't love me as His prophet.
I was heartbroken.
Still, I thought that I was ready to go home. But the doctors wouldn't release me. So, despite not having painted in years, I asked my mother to bring me some pastels and illustration board so that I could create some artwork in my hospital room to pass the time. The result was a dozen pieces of artwork, including one painting in particular titled, "Porch Trio."
Porch Trio was a pastel painting drawn from inspiration from a photograph of my three little girls standing on a porch at their nana's house. I had captured the photo during a summer's day when they were playing on the porch. They were full of laughter, delight, sunshine, and happiness, and their joy was so sweet and cute that I just had to take a picture of it. So, I asked them to smile and took their picture.
Back to the hospital... one day, while I was painting in my room, a woman who I had met at one of the community meetings stopped by. She told me about the Mental Health Association and about the Creative Wellness Coalition (where she worked) and invited me get in touch with the organization so that I could put on an art exhibit there.
And after I was discharged, that's what I did. I sold several paintings at the exhibit that day, each piece depicting my three daughters.
A few weeks after that, I started my art business. And my faith gradually began to heal.
Truth, I'm still not where I want to be yet, but I am no longer as depressed as I used to be, as I feel I understand God a little more and the reason He allows suffering: But this time in a more healthier way.
Porch Trio has always been a favorite among my collectors. Though the original is no longer available, I am continuously selling prints of it. I've heard so many stories about how people are able to connect with the painting, reminding them of their children or even reminding them about their own childhood.
Because of the popularity of Porch Trio, I recently thought it would be great to replicate it again and create another original, though not entirely the same. I have titled this one, "Porch Trio II." What do you think?
As you can see, I didn't want to recreate the exact same painting so, I used my artistic license to change things up a bit: the girls are a little older, the flowers are more dramatic, and the youngest is wearing a skirt instead of a diaper.
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Sometimes I think to myself and I wonder about that schizophrenic episode back in 2011. If I hadn't had it, would I still be an artist today? Would I have ever picked up the paintbrush again?
I don't know, but what I do know is this: sometimes blessings come in disguise.
What' about you? Have you been able of find the silver lining out of a challenging/ bad situation? How have you made lemons out of lemonade?
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If you're willing to share, I'm a huge fan of email and I'd love to hear about it. I'm at Samara@SamaraDoumnandeArt.com.
Until then,
Stay artfully blessed!
Kind regards,
Samara